The Boyfriend Manual

What is the Boyfriend Manual?

The boyfriend manual is a list of the qualities and values that are non-negotiable in your relationship. What are some things that you absolutely cannot put up with? Does hearing a guy tell crude jokes and cuss make your blood boil? Put it in the boyfriend manual. Can you not stand to be with somebody who has different views than you do on something you feel strongly about? Put it in the boyfriend manual. Do you have a weird quirk or habit that you want him to know about and be ready to deal with? Put it in the boyfriend manual. Doing this not only ensures that the guy you like is someone you can live with, it also gives the potential boyfriend a chance to see who you really are. 

How do I make my own Boyfriend Manual?

Figuring out what to put in your manual can be difficult. Here's guide to help you out.

Religion- This is often the most important thing in a person's life. Describe how important your God is to you. Don't be afraid of offending him. Remember, if he can't deal with God being first in your life, then it probably isn't a good idea to be dating him.

Morals and Values- This kind of goes hand in hand with religion, but it's best to make sure he knows where you stand on today's big issues such as premarital sex, abortion, and homosexuality. Differences in these beliefs can easily drive a couple apart.

Your Habits and Quirks- Let him know about those little personality quirks that make you YOU. Are you moody? Do you cry at the drop of a hat? Does jealousy flare up inside you when you see your guy talking to another girl? Do you have random moments where you break out into song and start dancing...in the middle of Wal-Mart? Tell him. He needs to know these things so that he can decide if he wants to date YOU. He needs to know about how to deal with those mood swings and crying jags. Tell him.

Family- Do you have a dad, brother, other family member or friend who has a reputation for scaring off boyfriends? What about that great aunt who tends to pop out her dentures in the middle of casual conversation? These would be things worth mentioning, as well as ways to win over your parents (you don't want him running scared when your dad starts polishing his shotgun).

Not Happening's- Tell him behaviors that you will NOT put up with. Smoking, drugs, cussing, crude jokes, lying, hands going where they shouldn't...that sort of thing. You don't want that coming back to kick you in the butt.

This won't get you the "perfect man" because, truthfully, there isn't one. You two are still going to disagree and fight and whatnot, but this will help ensure that you've got someone you can live with and love. Besides, if your guy is willing  to READ and SIGN the BOYFRIEND MANUAL, then what does that say about him and how much he really  likes you and respects you?

Where did the idea for the Boyfriend Manual come from?

This really isn't that great of a story, really. I had a guy I liked and who liked me. I wanted a way to know if he was worth my time and would respect me. Thus, the Boyfriend Manual was born. Viola. 

 What if I already have a Boyfriend?

 Well, already having a boyfriend does change things, but not dramatically. You still need to know that he will respect you, your values, your boundaries, and your beliefs. Depending on how long you two have been "together", you may or may not know where he stands on these issues. This splits into two different scenarios.

A. You do know where he stands on these issues.  Okay. That's good. Now, ask yourself if he would sign the boyfriend manual. Does he respect all the things that you would list and share your most important values and beliefs? Most importantly, does he respect you? If not, then maybe you need to consider finding someone who does. If you don't want to do that, then try talking to him about the things that you feel need to be changed. If he really cares about you, he'll listen and try to work things out. But if he doesn't listen and becomes defensive (be prepared for this, because it's the most likely scenario), then the only option that's fair to both of you is to find someone else. "I just love him so much!" is NOT a valid excuse. You deserve someone who is respectful of you, your values, etc. You cannot be in a happy relationship with someone who doesn't respect you. Period.

B. Now let's say that you don't have a clue about what his thoughts are on these issues and you haven't known him long enough to know if he respects you. The first question I would ask in this case is 'why are you his girlfriend?'. Despite what today's culture tells us, being in a relationship is NOT a game.You need to know his values, beliefs, etc. No exceptions. But it's not too late to find out where he stands. Type up your boyfriend manual and give it to him to read and sign. Say something like "I don't feel like I know you that well and I want to get to know you better. I've written out the beliefs and values that are most important to me, as well as some things that I won't tolerate. If you can't deal with something I've listed, then we need to talk."

Okay, now everybody pick your jaws up off the floor and pop your eyeballs back into your head. I know what most of you are thinking. "Does she want me to be totally unpopular and die an old maid?" The answer is no, I don't. The truth is, I'm a teenager too, and I know what it feels like to be left out and labeled "uncool" or "weird." High school is hard, but so is life. You've got to realize that you can't go through life pretending to be something you're not just to make someone like you. And think about it, are you willing to give up your morals, beliefs, values, happiness just to make "friends" or get/keep a guy that doesn't care about you? Really? And before you say "I don't do that!", think. You'd be surprised at how often you do compromise who you are to please someone who doesn't care who you are..